so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
