found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
