I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
