Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
