I love black thongs
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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