I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
