Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
