woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
