grandma shit on top of the toilet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
