i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
