True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
