i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
