I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
