If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
