Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
