Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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