yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
