hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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