so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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