So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did not marry a roomba.
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