It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
false alarm. still invincible.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
