Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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