Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
