She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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