My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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