how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
