if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
