Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
