therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
