have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
