How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
