So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
foreskin is a definite game changer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
