I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
