My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
