It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
