she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
