So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
