The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
40s are totally the cure
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
