Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
