I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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