Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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