she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
