There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
