There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
