OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
