omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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