Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
