Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
