yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
