yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
